


ugly like me

by peachsneakers



Series: fluffuary [18]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativitwins, Cuddling, Fluff, Fluffuary, M/M, Multi, Remus typical stuff, Roman and Remus share boyfriends, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, a dollop of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Remus has a wish.set in the same universe as"outside, looking in"and"your true colors"
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, DRLAMP
Series: fluffuary [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620391
Comments: 42
Kudos: 166





	ugly like me

Remus _wants_.

He wants, but he knows that he can never have it. The others are, well, themselves, and he's _him_. He's dirty, he's gross, he's a trash man and he doesn't hate who he is. Not anymore. But if he could have the wish that dies, unbidden, on the tip of his tongue-

He wants to dive into the soothing tranquility of Logan's room and let it wash him away. He longs to brush Logan's hair back from his face as he devours his mouth and finds out if the logical side tastes like Crofters and coffee. He wants to lounge on a bean bag chair in Virgil's room and make fun of the spider curtains. He would soothe Virgil when he has a panic attack and watch shitty conspiracy theories on the TV at three in the morning, when only the two of them are awake. He wants to wallow in nostalgia with Patton, pretending that the gap-toothed kid in a crown in the scrapbooks isn't two parts of a shattered whole. He would (try to) bake cookies with the moral side, dolloping his freckled nose with chocolate chip-studded cookie dough and kissing it off. He wants to pet Deceit's snake (and it's only partially a euphemism). If he could ever be allowed it, he would lift Deceit's hat free from his head and run his fingers through the fluffy, unruly strands, would kiss his way down the scales of Deceit's face, admiring the glitter of the light on them.

If he could have whatever he wanted, his brother wouldn't look at him like he's nothing but the broken half, the things he wishes he could forget he ever possessed.

But he can't. The others are _together_ now, even Deceit, and he doesn't belong there. The others share sweet nothings in the hallways and kisses in the kitchen. They invite him to movie nights and he tries to take them up on them, because he doesn't want them to know. Dee Dee was obvious, but for once, Remus holds a secret close, like something precious and rotting. But it _hurts_ , watching their easy closeness, the little in jokes that he can never be a part of, the affection that will forever be denied to him. Sometimes after movie nights, he goes into his side of the Imagination and destroys things. When rock chips fly from the impact of his morning star to the sound of blood trickling in the distance, Remus can almost pretend that he doesn't care.

It almost works.

Until _Moana_ is playing on the big screen and he's saying something inanely profane about Maui's oar, but the others are huddled so _close_ and he can't help the longing as he glances their way, and catches Virgil's eyes.

His _understanding_ eyes.

Remus doesn't say a word, he just sinks out, landing on his bed with a careless thump. He scrabbles to lock the door, breaking one of his fingernails and wincing at the sizzle of white hot pain that slashes through his finger.

"Remus," Virgil says behind him, and he jumps, his heart feeling like it's about to rattle out of his chest. He turns and Virgil is there, slouched against the wall, hands shoved in his hoodie pockets.

"Virgey!" He exclaims brightly, trying to pretend that his hands aren't trembling and his eyes aren't wet with incipient tears. "What brings you to my shitty domain?"

"You know what," Virgil says. It's quiet, but it hits Remus like a physical blow all the same. He rocks back and forth on his heels, trying to calm himself. It doesn't work.

"Got bored," he tries, offering a dismissive shrug. "Wanna help me dissect something?"

"No," Virgil says, his nose scrunched up. "Remus, I- maybe I got this all wrong, but-"

"Probably!" Remus interrupts, his voice panicky fast.

"Remus, do you like me? Us?" Virgil asks, his face red. 

"Of course I like you, Virgey," Remus says, deliberately misunderstanding the question. "Even my needle in the eye brother!"

"That's not how I meant and you know it," Virgil says, giving him a direct stare. Remus flushes bright red, like a lobster in a pot.

"Maybe," he admits, in a dull mumble. "But it's okay, Virgey. I can just stop coming to movies and meals and shit, that's-"

"What?" Virgil asks in disbelief. "Wha- why would I want you to do that?"

"Because I'm me?" Remus says. It's not quite a question. "I'm _gross_ , Virgey Wirgey, I know that, I'm not _like_ you and the others, I-"

"That is bullshit," Virgil interrupts him. "Absolute bullshit. And I'll prove it to you." Before Remus can pull away, Virgil has seized his wrist and they're both rising up, back in the living room he'd so recently sought to escape.

"Remus?" His brother asks, surprised. "Are you crying?"

"No," he denies. He touches his cheek, startled to find wetness there. "Of course not," he doubles down. "Why would you care anyway?"

"Because I care about you," Roman says. Remus stares at him, wide-eyed.

"We all do," Logan adds. "Virgil, have you-"

"He thinks that he's too gross to be loved," Virgil says bluntly. Remus winces. He wouldn't put it _quite_ like that. That makes it sound...bad. Like it's not the truth. But it _is_ , he knows it is, it has to be-

"Remus-" Deceit is suddenly there, one gloved hand cupping his face. "Remus, you are not and never will be 'too gross' to be loved." He makes air quotes with his other hand.

"But-" He weakly protests.

"I love you!" Patton exclaims. Remus's jaw drops. "I have lots of love to give!" Patton says, noticing his shock. "I wanted to ask you a while ago, Remus, but I thought maybe you just didn't feel that way, and I didn't want to pressure you."

"But me and Deceit thought differently," Virgil continues. "We know your tells, dude. Lived with you forever, you know." Remus flushes harder.

"You're my brother," Roman says. "I know that we've had our differences, but I- I want to work on that. _With_ you. If- if that's okay with you." Almost without his input, Remus's head bobbles up and down.

"Do you believe us now, cephy?" Logan asks. 

"Cephy?" Remus repeats. Logan's cheeks tint faintly pink.

"You seem fond of cephalopods," Logan explains. "If you would prefer that I didn't call you that, of course I won't-"

"I love it," Remus says immediately. He would do anything to see that delighted glint in Logan's eyes again.

"Would you join us?" Deceit asks, very softly. Remus looks around the living room, eyes hot with unshed tears, and nods.

"Yes, please," he says.

Sometimes you _can_ get what you wish for.

**Author's Note:**

> me, reading bits of this to my partner
> 
> my partner: this is _pain_!  
> me: life _is_ pain


End file.
